


I Need a Little...Church

by AdventuresofGypsyandRenovski



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo is Not Nice, Courtship, Dubious Consent, Extreme Religion, F/M, Forced Marriage, Power Imbalance, Preacher Ben Solo, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Rey is 18, extreme dubious consent, extreme religious values, rape within a marriage, rape/noncon elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdventuresofGypsyandRenovski/pseuds/AdventuresofGypsyandRenovski
Summary: Rey lives in a small town that is small-minded and depends heavily on religious values. The town preacher, Ben Solo, is obsessed with her and takes matters into his own hands when she get accepted into a university hours away from town. And from him.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 174
Kudos: 558





	1. I do bad things for the sake of good times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkLadyReylo (Scotian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scotian/gifts).



> This is for sweet sweet DarkLadyReylo who is a major light in my life. This story is my coping mechanism to TROS and is getting me back into a happy mood :) so don’t come for me. Thank you to Malevolent Reverie for being my STAR beta :) 
> 
> This story WILL have everything mentioned in the tags. I grew up in a very religious/almost cult-like sect of Christianity so a lot of this is coming from my personal childhood experiences. I am VERY aware that there are many types of Christianity so don’t think I’m coming for you. I’m just basing this on my own personal experiences growing up. 
> 
> As always - I will always give a trigger warning in that chapter so please check out the notes. 
> 
> Title and Chapter Titles are from “Church” by Aly and Aj :)

Rey yawned as her history teacher droned on about the civil war. She tapped her pencil against her notebook and looked out the window as the autumn leaves littered the ground. It was a blustery October, and Friday. This was her last class of the day and she was ready to get her weekend started. 

Her phone vibrated lightly in her pocket and she yanked it out, expecting a text from her friend, Finn. 

**Guess who has a big fat envelope sitting at home???**

It was her mom. Her heart leaped in her chest. Back in September, Rey had applied for UNC-Chapel Hill, hoping to lock in a swimming scholarship. 

Rey was a top swimmer in her school and scouts watched her all summer, hoping to find their next star swimmer. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she really wanted that envelope to be her acceptance and scholarship approval for the swimming program! 

She couldn’t focus on the rest of the class and darted our to her car the minute the bell rang. She sped from lane to lane to get home. 

The envelope was sitting neatly on the kitchen island. Her mother joined her with anticipation. With a deep breath, Rey ripped into the envelope. 

Her eyes skimmed the main letter. The words  _ “Welcome”, “Acceptance” and “Pleased to offer the full-tuition scholarship for the Swim club”  _ leaped off the page. Rey and her mother squealed with excitement as tears brimmed her eyes. 

“I got in, mom! Yes!” She screamed. Her mother laughed and nodded. They hugged each other tightly. 

“I’m so proud of you baby! You deserve this! You’ve worked so hard on this. What a wonderful school.”

Rey started skimming the package and texting her friends with a ton of emojis while her mom ordered their favorite Chinese take out.

Everything was perfect. She would soon be going to the school of her dreams. Studying biology while swimming for one of the best teams in the state. The school was only a few hours from home so she would still be able to see her friends. Finn was going to community college and Rose was going to the town university. 

Rey started on her homework until dinner arrived. Her stepdad, Unkar Plutt, came begrudgingly to eat as her mother set out the noodles and sesame chicken. 

“Rey, honey, tell Unkar about the good news today!”

Unkar took a long swig of water before eyeing her. Rey nervously swallowed. Unkar married her mother when Rey was very young, a few years after her father was killed in a car accident. He was a very conservative and religious man. That also meant he was extremely strict with Rey. 

“I—I got that scholarship to Chapel Hill! Full ride, swimming scholarship!” she said nervously. Her step-dad said nothing, just twisted a heap of noodles on his fork and took a sloppy bite. 

“What happened to going to that Christian university in Virginia?”

“Well, honey, she got the scholarship here. That means that she’ll basically go to college for free, contingent that she swims for the team each year. We all know she’s an excellent swimmer. Plus, it’s only three hours versus the six or seven that it would be to Virginia!” Her mother jumped in, optimistically. Rey stabbed a piece of sesame chicken and popped it in her mouth as he grumbled.

“So she can go swim in an itty bitty swimsuit and all the college boys can watch her?”

“I’ve been swimming for years, Unkar. You’d know that if you came to a meet,” Rey jumped in with a roll of her eyes. He slammed his fork on the table and jabbed a finger at her.

“That’s enough from you, young lady. I bet you like the attention. Men looking at you swim, half-naked.”

“Seriously? This is one of the happiest days of my life and you are shitting all over it.”

“Language, Rey!” her mom said quickly, but it was too late. Unkar was out of his chair in two seconds, his fingers digging into Rey’s cheekbones as he got close to her face.

“You are lucky that this school is paying for your tuition, because they won’t get a dime from me. If you want to go whore around a campus, fine by me.”

He let go and her cheeks throbbed. Her mother looked down with a sigh. This is how it always went. Unkar constantly pushed his religion on the family. Every time the church doors were open, they would be there.

Rey picked her plate up and dumped it in the sink before running upstairs to spend the night in her room. Away from  _ him _ . She fell asleep later that night with a movie in the background. Her dreams were filled with college life and getting the hell away from Unkar.

\-----------------------

The next morning, Rey groaned at the sound of her alarm clock and rolled out of bed. She wanted to get to the gym before 7 AM so she could get the corner lane to swim. She wanted to stay sharp for her university swim club. It was still so refreshing to say that!

She was going to college on a full-ride to swim and get away from this horrible, small-minded town. Everyone knew everyone in the small coastal town. The only place for real social interaction was either the cafe or the church. 

She pulled on her swimsuit and grabbed her bag before sneaking out of the house, careful to avoid another confrontation with her step-dad.

Rey pulled into the gym when it was still dark and rushed inside to grab her favorite lane. Thankfully, it was still open. She pulled on her swim cap and yanked her sweatpants off before diving into the water without stretching. 

The pool was always the place to reset her mind. In the pressure of the water, there was no talking, no distractions, just Rey and her thoughts. The silence was deafening to some, but perfect for her. Swimming a truly her solace. 

Rey completed her warm-up and leaned on the wall to catch her breath. Just as she pulled her goggles off, she looked up to see a familiar face. 

Ben Solo, the church’s preacher, in swim trunks. 

He was young, in his early thirties, and single. The older women at church fawned over him with his head full of dark hair and unique features. He has just joined as the preacher a few years ago when she was sixteen. He was really good with the youth group too. All the kids loved him. 

But it was extremely awkward at this moment to see her preacher in nothing but swim gear. 

“Hey, Rey! How’s it going? Mind if I join your lane? The other ones are full of grumpy old men,” he said with a smile, gesturing to the full lanes beside them. Rey honestly wanted to say ’no’. This was weird. 

“Uh, you swim? I’ve never seen you here before!”

“I usually go at night, but I’ve got that fall festival at the church this weekend, so I decided to come this morning,” he replied, stepping into the ladder in their lane. Rey never told him ’yes’, but she didn’t want him telling Unkar she was rude. That was the last thing she needed. 

“Cool.”

She felt naked standing in the pool in her bathing suit. She sank lower in the water. He pulled his goggles on and gestured for her to go.“You’re the fast one, I’ll follow behind.”

Rey smiled tightly and kicked off the wall quickly, trying to ignore the fact that her preacher would have a view of her ass. 

They swam for about thirty minutes before Rey stopped and began stretching on the wall. Ben followed behind and ripped off his goggles. 

“I tried to keep up with you, but you are so fast. The university in town is going to be so excited to have you on their team.”

“I’m actually going to Chapel Hill,” she corrected while pulling her leg behind her in a stretch. Ben turned to her, his wet hair wrapped around his face. 

“Oh. Did you get accepted yet? I thought you had applied to stay close to home.”

“Yup. Full ride, swimming scholarship!” She beamed up at him. He smiled tightly and it oddly reminded her of Unkar’s reaction. 

“Wow, congrats, Rey! I bet your parents are proud.”

Rey chewed on her lip and pushed herself up to sit on the pool ledge so she could be eye level with Ben. She didn’t intend on airing out the family drama to her preacher, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to other than Finn and Rose. Ben’s dark eyes flickered down to her bare legs before he leaned against the wall. 

“Well, if I can be honest, Unkar isn’t happy at all. He wanted me to go to Liberty in Virginia. He doesn’t like the idea of me going to a non-religious college.” 

“Hmm, I see.”

“Which isn’t fair! I wanted to swim for a good school  _ and _ study under the best biology program in the state. Shouldn’t he be proud of that? But no, all he cares about is if the coeds are allowed to hold hands on campus.”

“Rey, I think he’s just trying to look out for you. College can be very threatening to your morals if you let it. I went one year before I decided to become a minister and it can tempt the best of us. He just doesn’t want that to happen to you, honey.”

Rey noticed his stance shifted to in front of her, both of his huge hands on each side of her bare knees. Usually she didn’t mind Ben being so close, that’s just how he was with everyone. People loved that he hugged them and rubbed their backs while asking how their family was doing.

“But, doesn’t he  _ trust _ me? I’m not a bad person. I don’t care about relationships or men. I just wanna swim.” 

He looked down as if he were thinking and Rey looked around them to see if anyone was annoyed that they were hogging up a lane and not swimming. 

“Why don’t I talk to him for you? Maybe I can ease him into the idea of you going.”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, Rey. Anything for you.”

Rey smiled and hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that they were both still very scantily dressed and wet. 

“Thank you so much! That means the world to me!”

They let go and he winked at her. She laughed and got up to grab her towel. 

“So are you coming to the fall festival tonight? Bring your step-dad and I’ll try to pull him aside and chat with him about the school.”

“I’ll be there!” She said excitedly while pulling on her sweatpants. Usually, she hated the idea of working the apple cider booth, both Rose had agreed to partner with her and Ben talking to Unkar about the school situation would make her home life so much better. Out of everything she disliked about that conservative church, preacher Ben was something she didn’t mind. 

They waved off to each other and Rey drove home to shower and help her mom around the house before the festival. 

She told her mom about Ben and how he would talk to Unkar and her mom seemed unsure but hopeful. 

After cleaning the house, Rey settled into the family library to get started on her homework. She sat at the desk and saw Unkar’s laptop open. His email was still open with several unread emails. Being nosy, she skimmed the sales ad emails and noticed one that look strange.

**Re: Courtship**

From BSolo@calvarychurch.org? Was that Ben’s email? Before she could click on it, her step-dad walked into the room. 

“Did you need my laptop, Rey?”

“No, sorry, I was about to move it out of the way so I could study.”

He grunted and snapped the laptop shut before pulling it off the desk. 

“We leave for the festival in three hours so don’t tire yourself out too much with studying.”

“You got it.” She said, rolling her eyes as he left. For once, she was excited about the fall festival. Ben would settle this problem with her school option and Unkar would be fine afterward. He valued Ben’s opinion on a lot of things. This would work. 

Rey scribbled “courtship” on her paper, reminding herself that she needed to google that later, and got to studying. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. I don't, I don't regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey attends the Fall Festival and Ben sends weird signals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to Malevolent Reverie for being my beta. ALSO - you need to check out her MANY amazing stories.

Rey lost track of how many times she had burned her hand pouring cups of hot apple cider to the other church members.

The fall festival was a huge money maker for the church each year and everyone in town showed up, at least for some food. There were pony rides, hay rides on the beach, bobbing for apples, face painting and every other cheesy thing you would find at a harvest festival. Since the church was against Halloween, this was their idea of having fun for the kids.

Rey and Rose gossiped about school drama while pouring cups. Rey told Rose about her encounter with Ben that morning. Rose initially wrinkled her nose about him being in a swimsuit, but once Rey brought her up to speed on his plan to talk to Unkar, she was all in.

“I knew I liked that man. He honestly is the best thing that happened to this church. He doesn’t have a stick up his ass, or give his sermons like Pastor Michael did.”

“Yeah. Remember when the old man would yell, ‘and the women wearing leggings were fornicating!’” Rey shouted loudly in a fake deep voice. Both girls giggled and turned to their next customer.

“You planning to take my job away now, Rey?” Ben said with an eyebrow raised. He was dressed in a black boatneck sweater with dark pants and boots. It was so weird to see clergy members not in suits or their Sunday best. Rey thought it even weirder to see him in that swimsuit earlier at the pool. She flushed and shook her head.

“No, sorry. We were doing an impression of the preacher before you,” she said sheepishly.

“Ah, I see. I did hear that Pastor Michael was excellent at the theatrics of sin,” he replied with a wink. He dug in his pocket for a couple dollar bills to hand to Rose, who manned the cash box.

“So you want two cups? They are a dollar each,” Rose said, the crisp bills clutched in her hand. He nodded and Rey poured two cups and quickly held them out for him. Ben took one and gestured the second cup to Rey.

“For you, my dear. For sharing the lane with me.”

“Oh… t-thanks,” Rey mumbled. He tipped the cup to her before heading off into the crowd. Rose looked over with her mouth fixed in a smirk, the dollars bills still in her hand. Rey still had her cup mid-air.

“Well… that was interesting,” Rose said before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“And weird.”

“Oh c’mon, Rey. He’s probably just being nice. He bought Finn's new basketball shoes once when his parents refused to buy them. He’s a pastor, it’s what he does. Good acts and all.”

Rey shrugged and took a sip of the cider. It was her second or third cup that night, but she welcomed the warmth. She almost told Rose about the weird email she saw in Unkar’s inbox, but thought better of it. What was the headline? Courtyard? She couldn’t remember.

The rest of the night was uneventful. Rey helped Rose clean up the booth and turn the money over to Maz Kanata, the church secretary. She was a cheery old woman and gave them both right hugs while drowning them in the smell of her Chanel perfume.

Rey was texting Unkar, letting him know she was on the way home, when someone grabbed her shoulder as she approached her car. She yelped and whipped around to see Ben standing behind her with his hands raised in defense. She let out the breath she was holding in relief.

“I’m so sorry, Rey. I didn’t mean to scare you! I just wanted to tell you that I talked with your step-dad and I’m having coffee with him tomorrow.”

Rey jumped up and down in excitement.

“Yes! Thank you so so much. I know he’ll listen to you,” she said with a big smile. He smiled back and pulled out his phone.

“Would you be able to send me some facts about your school? You can text me. I just need something to build a case for you.”

“Oh, sure! Anything. Here, I’ll give you my number.”

Rey took the iPhone out of his hand and added herself as a contact. Ben and Finn texted all the time so she figured it was fine. He took it and smiled before shoving it back in his pocket.

“Great, I’ll keep an eye for your text.”

“You got it. I’ll send you some facts when I get home.”

“Sounds good. Have a good night, Rey,” he replied before pulling her into a side hug. Rey wished him a good night before getting into the car. She noticed a new number flash on her phone with a text that read:

**This is Ben. Don’t text and drive! Just send me something when you get home safely.**

Rey rushed upstairs after the obligatory conversation with her mom and step-dad. She pulled her school packet out of her desk and began scanning for facts that might help Ben build a case with Unkar.

She texted a few bullet points to Ben before thanking him and putting her phone on night mode. She watched _The Magicians_ on Netflix before falling asleep.

\---------------------------

The next morning, Rey got ready for church with a smile. Unkar mentioned that he had coffee with Ben that afternoon and she couldn’t wait to see how it went. Once Unkar was on board, he would chill out about her going off to a college that wasn’t his choice.

She waited in the foyer for her parents, dressed in a maroon sweater dress and a plaid blanket scarf. Her hair was pulled back into a high bun.

They silently drove to church and went their separate ways upon arrival. Rey preferred to sit with Finn and Rose instead of her parents. They usually sat in the back so they could play ‘hangman’ and other games to pass the time. It wasn’t that Ben was boring. They just didn’t care about the subject.

Finn was stifling a giggle when his friend Poe made the latest word in their game ‘balls’. Rey looked at the paper and scoffed at their immaturity. She shook her head at the boys and looked up to see Pastor Ben staring directly at her.

She nudged Finn with her knee and he looked up and feigned interest. Poe nodded with the sermon and pretending to take notes. Ben was discussing women in the Bible and Proverbs 31.

Rey resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Her interpretation of the Bible was a bunch of men wanting women to bear a bunch of kids and be submissive to their husbands. At least that was how Unkar always explained it to her. He probably embellished.

“And it says here that, ‘ _Her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.’_ So ladies, next time you plan to lecture you husbands about leaving the dirty dishes in the sink for the thousandth time, do so with _kindness_ ,” Ben joked and the congregation laughed. Poe grumbled and Finn faked a dramatic laugh.

Ben winked in her direction and she quickly looked down at her purse. Rey pretended like she was looking for some chapstick. She felt like they were in on some sort of an inside joke, but she didn’t know what the joke was.

The lecture finished promptly at noon and the crowd piled out into the church courtyard. Rey said goodbye to her friends as she met up with her mom.

“Unkar is out to coffee, so we are on our own for lunch. What would you like? Want to do pizza since he never wants pizza?” her mom said, elbowing Rey. She laughed and nodded.

She pulled her phone out and texted Ben before her mom could see.

**Good luck and thank you again!**

  
  



	3. Call me what you will, Yeah I’m in it for the thrill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sees a surprise guest at her swim meet and tries to find the mystery email on Unkar’s laptop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Thank you to Malevolent Reverie for being an awesome beta for this fun work!

“Shit, I completely forgot to finish my history homework over the weekend. Can I see yours, Rey?” Rose asked on the way to lunch. 

Rey nodded and whipped out her notebook after taking a seat at their usual lunch spot in the cafeteria. She handed it over and began eating her sandwich in silence while her friend furiously copied down the assignment. 

Rey didn’t hear much more from Ben since he texted later that evening saying that Unkar warmed up a little to the idea of her going to Chapel Hill. But apparently it would take more work. Ben promised to keep trying. She sent him a ton of smileys back and thanked him. 

Now it was a waiting game. Unkar oddly agreed to come to her swim meet for the first time ever that Tuesday morning before school. Rey almost dropped her swim bag when he announced his plan to go. 

Rose was almost done when she circled something at the top of Rey’s notes. 

“What does courtship have to do with the Civil War? Do I need to copy that as well?”

Courtship! That’s what it was! Rey chewed the piece of sandwich in her mouth before shaking her head. 

“No, you don’t need that. It was in an email to Unkar.”

Rose looked up sideways at Rey, pen still hovering over the word.

“Courtship with who?”

“I don’t know. Ben sent the email.”

“Ben. As in  _ Pastor  _ Ben? Did you read the email?”

“Nope. Unkar walked into the room before I could click on it. Why?”

“It’s probably nothing. We’re most likely having a Sunday school lecture about it and maybe he had to email all of the parents,” she replied quickly. 

Rey wasn’t buying it. Before she could press on, Poe sat down across from them. He took one look at the page and circle texted and pointed at it. 

“Courtship? Was that in our history notes? I didn’t write that down. Isn’t that when two families agree to arrange a marriage for their kids or something?”

“Arranged marriage!?” Rey all but shouted in the cafeteria. She looked to Rose who reached over the table to smack Poe in the shoulder. 

“It’s not an arranged marriage, you idiot. It’s when a man comes to the father of a girl that he wants to court, an old fashioned term for boring dating, with the intention to marry her. My mom makes jokes about it all of the time.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. Why would Ben have sent Unkar an email like that? Rose chewed on her bottom lip and looked worriedly at Rey. 

“It’s—it’s gotta be a Sunday school topic. I have to go,” she said abruptly. Rey yanked up her notebook and lunch bag and hustled to her locker.

After shoving her lunch bag into the small metal locker, Rey headed to the nearest bathroom. 

She googled the word “courtship” and a slew of Christian dating sites popped up, along with something about the Duggar show. Nausea gnawed at her stomach and she felt as if the sandwich was going to come back up. 

Surely Rose was right. It had to be a Sunday school topic. Ben was in his thirties and she wouldn’t be 18 for another week! Her mom would  _ never  _ allow Unkar to agree to something like that. Maybe it wasn’t courtship for him, but for another guy in the youth? Ew. She wasn’t attracted to any of them at all.

Rey took a few deep breaths and told herself that this was all in her head. She just needed to sneak into the library later tonight after the swim meet and take a peek at Unkar’s computer again. She’d lie and say she needed to type a paper. 

This was all fine. Rey laughed a little to herself at the thought of Ben actually asking to court  _ her _ . She threw cold water on her face just as the bell rang for her to get to history class. 

Rose asked her if she was okay when she took a seat and she smiled and nodded. 

“Sorry. Something was wrong with my sandwich. Came right back up. I’m sure that topic is for Sunday school. I’m not worried about it. I’m going to find out tonight and let you know.”

The worried look on her friend’s face didn’t disappear, but Rey willed herself not to freak out. Rose was just overreacting. This would all get cleared up tonight when she looked at his laptop. 

After the last class of the day, Rey rushed to the girls locker room by the school’s pool. She joked around with her teammates while they changed into their swimsuits and stretched. 

Rey hooked her goggles to one of the straps as her teammate, Kaydel Connix, drew “Keep Calm and Swim On” on her back in permanent marker. The sensation tickled, causing some of the spelling to look jagged, but Rey didn’t care. She put her headphones in and walked onto the pool deck to get into the zone.

Jamming out to Ciara, Rey picked up her heat cards to see that she was in one medley relay and the 500 freestyle. She smiled to herself. She always smoked the others in that one. All it took was good pacing. 

The meet got started and Rey gathered with her relay group. It was soon time for them to step up. Rey was last in the medley relay portion, finishing it off with the freestyle stroke. 

The buzzer rang through the room as Rey and her team cheered on the first swimmer. Moments later, the third swimmer took off and she stepped up to the block to prepare for her part in the race. She looked at the crowd. 

Rose was holding a glitter-filled sign and she waved. Rey smiled and nodded before looking for her parents. She was hoping to see misery on Unkar’s face. 

She spotted them and her chest suddenly felt tight as she noticed who was with them. Ben Solo sat beside them in a lawn chair, his eyes locked on hers. He waved and shot her a ’thumbs up’ sign with his hand. 

What the  _ hell _ was he doing here? The conversation with Rose crept back into her mind. She didn't have time to think on it as the third swimmer slapped the wall, indicating it was Rey’s turn. 

She leapt off the block in a shallow dive and raced through the water. Her thoughts were slowing her down, but she pushed through and the team still ended up in first place in the heat. Rey climbed out with heaving breaths as she gave her other teammates’ high fives. 

Rey had a break until her next event so she took the time to drain her water bottle and curl up in her towel. Her mom motioned for her to come over to them and bile rose in her throat. 

Ben being there was weird. Maybe he was using it to help push Unkar along? If that was the case, he was extremely committed. 

”Good job baby! What's your next heat?” her mom said cheerfully as she approached them? She could feel Ben’s eyes on her and her cheeks burned. 

”Uh, the 500 freestyle! It'll probably be another hour though. That's one of the last events, ” 

She stole a look at Unkar, who was scowling ahead at the pool. 

“Having fun, Unkar?”

“The boys are in even  _ less _ clothing than the girls!” he huffed, pointing to one of her teammates on the block in a small speedo. She snorted and looked to her mom. 

“Did you see who came along? That was really nice of him, Rey, so go say ‘thank you’. We’ve invited him out to dinner afterwards,” her mom whispered to her. 

Feeling self-conscious, she approached Ben. He gave her a hug despite her being completely soaked. The warmth from his body gave her goosebumps. 

“Thanks for coming. Why did you come?” she asked abruptly. Unkar and her mom shot daggers in her direction and she shrugged.

“Rey, that was incredibly rude. Apologize this instant!” Unkar said loudly. 

“Sorry, I just didn’t know you went to things like this. I didn’t mean anything by it. I appreciate it, I do!” 

“I always like to see my star youth make their dreams happen.” 

Rey smiled and walked over to the other side of his chair so her parents couldn’t hear. 

“Is this a part of your  _ plan?” _

“Oh yes, Rey. All apart of the plan. You’ll see,” Ben replied before reaching up to snap one of her suit straps on her shoulder. 

Rey smiled and waved them off before heading back over to her team. Everything was fine. Ben was here to help and she was going to go home and confirm that the email was nothing. 

——————————————-

They got home from dinner late and Rey immediately took a shower to warm up and get the smell of chlorine out of her hair. She put her heat ribbons on her dresser and tore off her gross bathing suit. 

While scrubbing her hair clean, Rey couldn’t help but think how strange dinner was. They went to her favorite Italian place, which was awkward because she had wet clothes and hair in a nice restaurant. Then, over spaghetti and meatballs, Ben asked a ton of questions about her interests and things like that. She didn’t know why he cared so much or how that would help him win over Unkar. 

She would just text Finn and see if maybe he did the same with him. Maybe Ben was right and he really did care about the kids in the youth. 

Rey wrapped her hair in a towel and went downstairs to see her parents watching the news. She saw the laptop was still in the library. 

“Unkar, I need to print off my paper for a class. Can I use the laptop?”

He grunted a ‘yes’ and Rey held in her excitement as she walked into the library. She flipped open the laptop and entered his password. 

She printed off an article about how to braid her hair like Daenerys from  _ Game of Thrones _ to make it look like she was actually printing a paper. Rey dug through his email and found nothing. She even typed in Ben’s name and email and nothing popped up. It was even gone from the deleted mail. 

Why did Unkar delete it? Uneasiness washed over Rey as she felt like her step-dad was hiding something. Maybe they were texting about it now? She huffed and shut the laptop before grabbing the braid tutorial off the printer. Her parents didn’t say a word to her as she stomped up the stairs. 

So much for telling Rose that she was right. Now she’d never know why Ben wrote that email. She flipped through the article she printed as she texted Rose the bad news. 

**Step-dad from hell deleted the email. Surprise surprise :(**

_ We’ll figure it out! Maybe Maz knows something! We can get her to spill this Sunday.  _

**It’s probably nothing. He came to dinner with us after the meet. He’s really working Unkar to get him to agree to Chapel Hill. I owe him big time.**

Rose sent back a clapping meme and she smiled. Rey sat in front of the mirror to try the tutorial for her hair. They would be perfect for her birthday next week.

  
  
  
  
  



	4. I'm just, I'm just selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey celebrates her birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Malevolent Reverie for being my beta!!!
> 
> BIG TIME TW - NONCON IN THE CHAPTER
> 
> Also - it goes without saying - Rey’s feelings about what happened to her are in no way how someone should feel. But growing up in such a strict religious families, it’s easy to blame ourselves and feel like it’s our fault. But it’s NOT. So just know that I am expressing her feelings after the event as someone who has grown up with a step father who has a very warped view of women.

Rey and Rose rushed off to the secretary’s office the minute church let out. They passed notes during church, coming up with a plan on how to ask Maz without giving away their intention. 

The older woman was tapping away at her computer, bifocals resting on the bridge of her nose. Gospel music played in the background. Rey wrinkled her nose as they knocked on the door. She always thought the room smelled like burnt Cheez-Its. Maz looked up and smiled warmly at the girls.

“Well, look who it is. Rey and Rose, on a mission. What can I help you girls with?”

They greeted her and sat in the chairs across her desk. 

“We were wondering if you knew what was on the agenda for our next youth Sunday school series?” Rey asked. 

“Hmm, let me see,” Maz said, pushing her large glasses up before digging through a few files on her desk. Rey waited patiently and Rose grabbed a mint from a jar on the desk. 

“It looks like it’s on the Old Testament,” Maz said. “No, wait, we just finished that—” 

“Could it be on ‘courtship’, maybe?” Rose interjected. Rey delivered a small kick to her friend’s ankle. That was  _ not  _ apart of their plan. 

They listened to Maz talk to herself until a sharp knock rapped on the door. Both girls whipped around to see Ben leaning casually on the door frame. He had removed his robe and instead donned a black shirt and dress pants. Rey flushed and looked to Rose who scrunched up her face.

“Good morning ladies. What’s the fine gossip of the church today?” he teased as he stood behind Rey’s chair, facing Maz.

He rested his large hands on Rey’s shoulders and she could see his long fingers out of the corner of her eyes. She swallowed tightly. The older woman laughed and shook her head. 

“Oh stop, Ben, you know these sweet girls don’t care about gossiping. They were just asking about the next Sunday school series. It’s not courting is it?”

“Courting?” he asked in a questioning tone. Rey felt him squeeze her shoulders and she shot a look to Rose. Rose shook her head and shrugged. They were so busted now. 

“Yes, isn’t that what you said, darling?” Maz asked Rose. Ben leaned in a little to see Rose’s expression. She looked forward silently and Rey let out a breath. 

“Rose, didn’t we have to go show my mom something?” she said, making a move to stand up. Ben pushed lightly on her shoulders, as if he was trying to hold her down. 

“I just saw an article on modern day courtship and since we just covered relationships, I figured that was the next step,” Rose added quickly. 

“That’s a good point, Rose. It would make the most sense. But we are actually covering managing balancing outside activities and church,” Ben responded softly. 

“That’s cool!” Rey chirped.

“Yeah, too bad we are going to miss the first session. Rey’s turning eighteen this Saturday so we’re pulling an all-nighter at my house.”

Maz beamed. “Happy birthday, Rey!” 

They shot up out of their seats and headed for the door. Rey mumbled a ‘good-bye’ before dashing out into the hallway. 

She could feel Ben’s eyes on her as they hurried to the church courtyard. 

“Good God, you have the subtlety of a grenade launcher,” Rey hissed. 

“Sorry, I was trying to urge her along!”

They arrived to their parents talking and hugged each other goodbye. 

“The scary thing is, if it’s not Sunday school, then what was Ben’s email about?” Rose whispered in Rey’s ear. 

Rey felt hollow in her stomach as she shrugged nervously. Her mother grasped her hand and bid farewell to the Tico’s as they walked to the family car. They drove home in silence and Rey’s phone vibrated in her purse. A text from Ben.

**Nice to see you today, Rey. It’s a shame you won’t be at church next Sunday.**

_ Sorry! Rose has this whole thing planned.  _

**That sounds really nice. I’m talking with Unkar later this week so hopefully I’ll have a nice birthday surprise for you.**

_ That would be THE BEST!!!  _

Rey thought about apologizing for Rose and making up a story about the courtship question, but she didn’t want to make the lie worse. It was bad enough that it was out in the air now. 

He probably knew that she saw  _ something,  _ but he made no mention of it. He was acting really strange. The way he practically held her down today. Maybe he does that with all of the youth and she just never noticed it before. He was always giving big hugs to everyone. 

They got home and Rey got started on her homework. She really hoped Ben could pull through and have Unkar be fine with Chapel Hill by her birthday. That would make everything perfect. 

———————————

The week went by in a blur. Rey woke up to a ton of birthday messages via text, Facebook and all other forms of social media. Her mom and Unkar took her back to the Italian place for lunch and gave her some money and a new purse. 

She was standing in front of the mirror that evening in a sequined green mini dress that looked like mermaid scales. It was the perfect club look. Rose turned 18 months ago and was planning to take Rey to the new club just outside of town where no one would see them. She was so excited. 

She tugged a pair of leggings on so Unkar wouldn’t see bare legs and freak out. Rey was putting the final bobby pins in her hair when the doorbell rang. It was Rose. 

Rey kissed her mom goodbye and waved to Unkar as she rushed out the door with her overnight bag. Her parents thought that she was just going to dinner and the Tico’s were out of town. It was just Rey and Rose at the house. 

“Ready to party, Miss Birthday Girl?” Rose squealed as Rey in the front seat. 

“Hell yes! I’m excited for the club and a night away from my parents. Unkar’s been acting so grumpy lately.”

Rose continued driving as Rey ripped her leggings off and pulled on a pair of knee-high boots. Rey stuffed her ID in her bra and turned up the music as they drove to Rose’s house to drop off Rey’s bag. 

“So, what’s the plan?”

“We drop off your stuff, go get some food, and then we are off to Club Cantina. I’m so excited. I’ve heard the music is amazing.”

They quickly dropped off Rey’s bags and went to their favorite pizza place before heading to the club. Rose snuck some alcohol from her parents’ cabinet into water bottles so they sat in the club parking lot to drink before going in. 

Rey reapplied her lip gloss in the visor mirror and checked out her braids. The tutorial was perfect. They drained the water bottles and walked towards the entrance of the club. They got through the first bouncer and went to the bathroom to rip off the paper bracelet indicating that they were underage. 

The music pounded in Rey’s ears and the lights flashed shapes all around them. She loved it. Her step-dad would  _ die _ if he knew she was here. Thankfully, he trusted Rose enough to believe that they were having an innocent sleepover at home. 

A Selena Gomez mashup played in the background as Rey and Rose stepped onto the main floor and began dancing. They created a hand signal to indicate when a creepy guy was trying to dance with them so Rey felt safe. 

“I love this!” she shouted over the music to her friend. Rose laughed and nodded. 

“Let’s do this every weekend!” 

Rey agreed as they continued to dance. After a while, they were both thirsty and went to the bar to ask for water. A couple of guys bought Rey drinks for her birthday and she shared them with Rose. After a few hours, the alcohol mixed with the dehydration from sweating and dancing was starting to get to Rey. 

They were standing on the rooftop patio to get some air when Rey whispered to Rose that she was going to the bathroom. Rose turned from a guy they met downstairs, Hux, to nod in her direction. 

“Want me to come with you?”

“No, I won’t be gone long,” Rey replied. She could tell that Hux and Rose were hitting it off and he was a really nice guy. She didn’t want to bother Rose with that. Plus, she was starting to feel dizzy and needed to sit for a while. 

Rey stumbled down the steps towards the bathrooms in the back when she tripped onto someone. Strong arms reached out and caught her before she fell. 

“S-sorry,” she slurred. 

“Too much to drink?” a deep and oddly familiar voice replied. She looked up to see a man in a black mask looking down at her. The mask was horribly distorting the man’s voice. Very creepy. Maybe he worked for the club.

“No, I’m good. I’m just heading to the bathroom. Thank you for your help.” Rey said as she tried to maneuver her way around the tall man. He held an arm out and stopped her. She looked up at him with furrowed brows. 

“Excuse me?” she mumbled as his grip tightened on her arm. 

“I heard from the guy at the bar that it was your birthday.”

“Yeah. I just need to go, sir, please.” 

“How old?”

“Uhm, twenty-one.”

The man shook his head and Rey’s heart sank. He must work for security and she was now busted for drinking underage. Fear crept up as yanked her into the nearest VIP corner with a privacy curtain. Oh no, he was going to call her parents. Unkar would  _ kill _ her. She didn’t want to tell on Rose either. Maybe she could text her. 

“Look, I’m sorry, sir. It’s my birthday and I just wanted a couple of drinks. I have a scholarship, I can’t go to jail. Please don’t call my parents. I’ll never come back here again, I promise,” she begged as he closed the curtain. He said nothing as he pushed her down on the couch face down. 

Was she going to be handcuffed now? Rey started to cry as her face was shoved down into the plush velvet cushion of the couch. She could hear the distorted breathing as the man leaned in. 

“You aren’t going to jail, sweetheart. I’m just giving you a present for your birthday.”

She felt the sequins scratch her legs as the bottom half of her dress was pulled up to her waist. Rey realized what was going on. She wasn’t going to be arrested. This man was going to have his way with her. 

Hysterics washed over her and she screamed and thrashed her upper body. The music drowned out her screams and the man yanked her wrists back to tie them with something soft. He hushed her while pulling her panties down. 

“Stop, please. Don’t do this,” Rey said between sobs. Her tears made the cushions below her wet and she shivered as he stroked her upper thigh, almost lovingly. The man said nothing as he sipped a finger into her. She whimpered when she heard a distorted moan from behind her. 

Rey couldn’t believe this was happening. She prayed that Rose would go looking for her, though the closed VIP curtain could prevent anyone from coming in. 

She tried to squirm away when she heard the sound of a zipper. She knew what was coming next. She screamed louder as he rubbed himself against her with an unsettling slick sound. He didn’t wait for her to prepare herself as he shoved himself roughly into her, breaking through her barrier. 

“Please, stop. It-it hurts, please,” she sobbed as he drew back only to push into her once more. The hot searing pain was new and excruciating. 

“This is what happens to little girls who don’t have someone to take care of them,” the distorted deep voice called out shakily from behind her. He was clearly enjoying this from his moans and stream of curses. 

“Fuck, baby. This is better than anything I ever imagined,” he said, causing Rey to shudder. The voice was haunting her. So familiar but she couldn’t even think to place it. No one she knew would do this to her. She tasted her salty tears as the man picked up a brutal rhythm. 

A rap mix blared in the background but all Rey could hear was his grunts and heavy breaths.

“God, so tight. Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he huffed out. Rey woke up from her numb stupor and thrashed with a newfound fervor. She did  _ not  _ want this stranger to cum in her.

“N-no! Don’t! I’m begging you! Don’t!” she squealed as he released, rocking his hips as his cum spilled into her.

He held her down for a few moments, as if relishing in the moment. She willed herself to take deep breaths, cheek burning from being rubbed against the cushion when he fucked her. 

“I wish I could kiss that pretty face…”

“Leave me alone,” she hissed. He stroked her hair, fingering the braids before he pulled out of her. He zipped up his pants before untying her hands. 

“Stay here and count to fifty before you move, or I’ll come find you again. Say it loud so I can hear it as I’m leaving. Happy Birthday, sweetheart.”

Rey called out the numbers as she heard the heavy curtain swish open and close, leaving her alone. Everything hurt and she suddenly felt sick. She stopped counting momentarily to throw up over the side of the couch. Once she finished counting, she pulled panties up weakly and wiped the blood from her thighs with her hand. 

Rey rushed to the bathroom to throw up again and washed her hands. She burst out of the door to see Rose looking for her frantically. 

“Holy shit, Rey. You were gone for like thirty minutes are you okay? Why do you look like you were crying? I texted you a ton!”

Rey wiped her eyes and shook her head. “I just had to deal with some creep and he scared me. I’m okay now,” she lied, wrapping her arms around herself. 

Rose hugged her and promised they would leave. She had gotten Hux’s number. 

They left the club and Rey was silent the whole way home while Rose talked about how much she loved the club. Rey didn’t share the same sentiment. She felt ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with herself. This was all her fault.

Unkar was right. Clubs were not safe for girls her age and she learned that lesson in the worst way. She hated admitting he was right.

The man was so cruel to her. The eeriest part was his voice: familiar, yet foreign with the mask. Why would someone wear such a thing? She already couldn’t see his face, why wear something to disguise his voice? 

She fought tears the entire way home and promised Rose that she has a great birthday. They pulled into the Tico’s driveway and Rey pretended that she really wanted to shower the sweat off and go to sleep. Rose bought it and handed her a towel.

Rey cried while she scrubbed her body raw. She wished it was a nightmare that she could wake up and just brush it off. But it wasn’t. Her virginity was robbed from her by a stranger. He came in her too and she wouldn’t even be able to get Plan B. Her debit card was harshly monitored by her parents and they would question why she needed so much money. Plus, if someone in this small town saw her buying it, she’d be publicly shamed forever. No one could know. 

Once in her pajamas, Rey walked back into Rose’s bedroom to see her already asleep. She curled up in the bed and checked her phone with red eyes. She had a text from Pastor Ben around 10PM. She must’ve not had service in the club. 

**Happy Birthday, Rey! We will have to celebrate soon!**


	5. I need redemption, for sins I can’t mention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey deals with the aftermath of the club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Malevolent Reverie for being my beta! 
> 
> TW: mention of rape and pregnancy.

Rey woke up before Rose the next day around noon. She stared at the popcorn ceiling as her friend snored peacefully beside her. 

She just wanted to go home and cry. She held it in last night because she didn’t want to alarm Rose. Her body ached below her waist as a harsh reminder of the biggest mistake of her life. She couldn’t stop blaming herself. 

Unkar’s shaming voice boomed in her head, with a slew of angry words about how bad she had fucked up. Even after the shower, she felt absolutely disgusting all over. She could practically hear the distorted breathing in her ear.

Wiping her eyes before more tears could fall, Rey carefully sat up and got dressed. She packed her overnight bag and whispered to Rose an excuse that Unkar wanted her home. Her friend groaned in response and gave her a half-assed sleepy hug. Rey thanked her for the night before and rushed out to her car. 

She sobbed the entire drive home and waited to compose herself before heading into the house. Her parents were nowhere to be seen, but she knew they’d be home from church by now. Rey yelled that she was home and was going to start homework before locking herself in her room. 

She dropped her overnight bag on the floor before flinging herself face-first onto the bed in a fit of sobs. Her body shook as she screamed into her pillow. Breaths turned into shallow pants as her pillow was soaked with tears. 

A knot in her stomach remained as she rolled over and sniffled. Rey felt numb and nauseous at the same time. She needed a Plan B pill and didn’t know how to get it. Her allowance wasn’t enough to cover it and the bank was closed today. She couldn’t ask Rose, her mom, anyone. Maybe she could go tomorrow after school and get it. 

Rey was brainstorming her plan when the doorbell rang. She sat up and wiped her eyes and nose. Looking out the window, she recognized Ben’s car. What was be doing here? 

Then the idea struck her. Maybe he could loan her some money so she could go today! She could stop by the church tomorrow and repay him.

She needed to reach him before her parents did. Rey ran down the stairs and flung open the door to see Ben inspecting something in their bush. 

“Hey! Didn’t know you were coming by,” she said in a fake cheerful tone. He turned around and smiled warmly when he saw her. A wrapped gift looked tiny in his large hand. 

”Happy Birthday, Rey. This is for you but I want you to open it in front of your parents. Are they around?” he asked, peering into her foyer. She held the door open and gestured for him to come in. 

He handed Rey the gift and she put it down gently on the back of the couch before turning back to Ben. 

”I think they are down the hall. Look, I wanted to ask you something before they got here,” she said nervously. He furrowed his brows and nodded while briefly touching her shoulder. 

”Of course, honey. Is everything okay?”

Rey  _ hated _ being asked if things were okay when they weren't. It was a quick trigger for tears. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. Should she tell him everything? No, he would probably scold and shame her. Rey just needed the money. 

”Could I possibly borrow like sixty dollars from you? It's for a gift for my, uhm, pen pal, and I wanted to get it in the mail tomorrow right after school. I can get money out of the bank tomorrow and bring it by the church if you’d like! My parents don’t really like the idea of me mailing gifts to my pen pal so I didn’t want them to know. I understand if you don’t want to, I just thought I’d ask,” she said quickly. 

Ben cocked his head as if he was thinking about it and her heart sank. He was probably going to say ‘no’ and then her parents would know she was lying. 

“Do you know this person well?”

“Yes, very well—my parents just think it’s weird.”

They were silent for a few moments. Before she could tell him to forget about it, Ben grabbed a leather wallet from his pocket and fished out a hundred dollar bill, handing it to her. 

“Sorry, I don’t have change. Keep the extra forty for yourself as an extra birthday present. I won’t be at the church tomorrow so I can text you my address and you can drop it off there.” 

Rey took it quickly, not wanting to make any physical contact with him, or anyone. His cologne was already overwhelming and she had avoided his hug at the front door.

“Thank you so much, Ben. This means the world to me! I’ll come by tomorrow after school and pay you back, I promise!” she said with a big smile. He smiled back before gesturing to the hallway. 

”Not a problem, dear. Our little secret. So what are your parents up to?” 

“Mom and Unkar are in our library. Are you guys having a special meeting or something?” she asked as she led him down the hall.

“Yeah, we’re discussing some hiring changes in the church and since your step-dad is a lead Deacon, I wanted his opinion on the candidates.” 

Rey feigned interest as they approached the library. Her fingers suddenly stopped at the doorknob . She could hear her mom yelling through the door. 

“How  _ dare _ you consent to this without my permission?! She’s my fucking child, Unkar! I mean he’s like twice her—”

“ _ You _ are the one letting her go to that heathen school where she’s going to end up pregnant with no future! I’m doing what’s right for  _ our _ child. When you married me, Rey became my property!”

Rey gasped and looked up at Ben. His eyes were locked on the doorknob.

“Maybe we should go—” she started whispering before her mom broke out into more hysterics.

“YOUR PROPERTY!? My God, Unkar, she’s not an object! No, you are going to call him right now and say the courtship is OFF.”

“I can’t. It’s already done, Julia. Ben is on his way right now to discuss the logistics.”

Rey’s jaw dropped as Ben’s eyes flicked to hers. His eyes searched hers for a response but she didn’t have one. She felt paralyzed in the moment.

“Let’s go in another room,” he said softly. Rey nodded slowly and walked into the living room. She sat on the couch robotically and wouldn’t look at him. 

What the hell was going on? Rey swallowed before looking at Ben. His features were a mix between anger and nervousness. This was not how he planned this to go she assumed. Whatever the hell he  _ did _ plan. 

“Ben, I’m confused.”

“I wanted to stop by another day and tell you myself. Once I talked with your parents first,” he said, reaching out for her hand. Rey yanked it back and stood up. Was this about the courtship thing? Were her parents just handing her over to another guy? Who was it? Was Ben in on it?

“What happened to you helping me go to Chapel Hill?” she whispered. 

“Let me just talk to your parents. Can you wait here and be a good girl while I talk to them really quick? We’ll explain this all together, okay? Everything is going to be fine, sweetheart.”

Bile rose in her throat.  _ Sweetheart _ . That’s what that man said to her when he raped her last night. Of course, Ben wouldn't know that but Rey never wanted to be called that name again. Ben watched her intensely as she nodded. 

Ben sighed in relief and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Rey flinched, suddenly not wanting to be touched.

“Just wait here, Rey. I’ll be right back.”

Rey listened to him knock on the door. The door cracked open and she could hear her mother’s voice. 

“Ben? I thought you weren’t coming until later. Unkar and I are still talking. Where’s Rey?” her mom said in a clipped tone. Ben spoke to her mom, hushed so she couldn’t make out what he was saying. The door clicked shut. 

Rey was alone again. She was shaking. What the hell was going on? She knew this had something to do with that email. Tears of frustration flowed down her cheeks.

Everyone was making all of these decisions for her. She wasn’t going to get to choose her college of choice thanks to Unkar, now apparently Ben is planning something with him, and she didn’t even get to choose who her first time was with. She wanted to cry to her mother, but it seemed her mother was just as distraught as she was. Rey wasn't about to add to the anguish. Especially when she felt like it was her fault. 

Wiping her tears, Rey sniffled one last time before shoving the $100 in her bra. She needed to stop crying and take care of the Plan B. That was something could control. She grabbed her mother’s car keys off the foyer table and snatched her purse before leaving the house. She made sure to slam the door behind her. 

————————-

Rey drove to a mom and pop pharmacy outside of town about an hour away. She didn’t want to risk running into anyone that could tell her parents. 

Walking through the automatic doors, she made a beeline to the Family Planning section. After scanning the shelf and not finding it, she timidly approached the pharmacist behind the counter. 

“Uhm, I’m looking for the Plan B pill? I thought it was on the shelves now,” she asked, gripping her wallet and looking around. The pharmacist raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. 

“No, we had an issue with theft so we keep it behind the counter. Can I see your ID?”

Confused, Rey handed the man her ID and chewed on her bottom lip as she scanned it. He handed it back and sighed. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t give this to you.”

Fear made her heart leap.

“W-why? I’m eighteen. I just turned eighteen. I should be able to buy this,” she argued. 

“It’s expired,” he replied, tapping on the plastic license. He had to be kidding. 

“This can’t be legal. I should be allowed. I checked online before coming. CVS allows it, no ID,” Rey continued, her voice cracking. The man smirked and shrugged. 

“Well this ‘Courville Drug’, not CVS. Maybe you can get some on Amazon,” he quipped before turning around to get the phone. Rey stood shell shocked at the comment before breaking into tears. 

“Y-you don’t understand,” she said quietly before leaving. Rey opened her phone to Google the nearest CVS to discover that there wasn’t a pharmacy that was franchise owned for over four hours. She couldn’t take her mom’s car that far. 

She called nearby pharmacies and they all declared that they needed an ID. Something she didn’t have since hers was expired. 

Rey even checked Amazon but she didn’t have Prime so that wouldn’t be here until after the time window. She was truly screwed. 

She cried the entire way home and pulled into the driveway, the $100 unspent and still in her wallet. It hit her that there was still this other family drama she had to deal with when she walked inside. No doubt her parents were livid that she just drove off judging by the irate texts she received. 

She even got one from Ben begging her to come back and asking if she was safe. Rey ignored it. She didn’t trust him right now. 

Rey walked slowly into the house and found her parents sitting in the living room. Thankfully, no Ben. Before Unkar could start in on her, she apologized and said she needed some air and that she didn’t want to talk before she ran up the stairs to her room. 

Minutes later, her mom entered and shut the door. Rey burst into tears and hugged her knees as her mom sat down on the bed beside her. 

“Mom, I’m sorry, I just, I heard something that you guys were talking about and I was upset. Ben told me he was going to help me convince Unkar about Chapel Hill, and so I trusted him. I found an email about courtship from Ben to Unkar so I guess now I’m going to have to marry some loser from youth group and I just lost it. I had to leave. I’m sorry,” Rey cried in one breath. Her mom smiled and patted her knee before pulling her into a hug.

“No one is making you marry someone from the youth group, baby. I wouldn’t let that happen.”

Rey’s hysterics calmed down after her mom rubbed her back for a few minutes. It was the warmth and love she needed. 

“Don’t worry about the email, or Ben. I told them that we aren’t making any decisions until you graduate, okay? And it’s  _ your _ decision.”

“Decision about what?”

“I don’t even want you to think about it right now. Just focus on school, sweetie, okay? That’s all you need to worry about. But don’t run off like that again! You worried me to death.”

Rey didn’t feel more at ease with the situation. It felt like her mom was brushing it off for now. Putting a bandaid on it. She’d let it go for now and keep digging for information. 

Her mom kissed her forehead before heading towards the door. She turned back and pointed to something on her desk. 

“Ben left that for you. He gave it to me after you left. Open it if you want,” her mom said, nonchalant. Rey wrinkled nose before nodding. That was weird. Days ago, her mom was happy to have Ben at the swim meet and spending time with them. 

After Rey was alone again, she cried once more into her pillow. She lost count of how many times she cried today. She felt so lost and hopeless. The comments her mom made didn’t help her feel better about this. It wasn’t over, she could feel it in her gut. What if she graduated and they refused to let her go to school? 

She could also be pregnant. That guy came in her without regard. Like she was a piece of trash to be disposed after he got what he wanted from her. Rey felt completely out of control. She didn’t even want to  _ think _ about being pregnant right now. 

Between sniffles, Rey picked up the present from Ben. It was wrapped in neat gold wrapping paper with her name scrawled with a black calligraphy pen. 

Inside the paper was a long light blue box, big enough for a bracelet, with “Tiffany’s” inscribed on the top and a signature white bow. Rey raised her eyebrows and a flush burned her cheeks. 

Ben got her something from fucking Tiffany’s? That had to be expensive and over the limit of what he was allowed to do! She knew he bought Finn a few things, but there is no way basketball shoes would cost as much as whatever was inside. 

She opened it slowly to see a signature chain link bracelet with the heart charm. Rey put the box down as if it would bite her and snatched up the note that was tucked inside. 

**_Happy Birthday, Rey. Eighteen is an important year and I can’t wait to see the beautiful young woman you will become._ **

She cringed and put the note beside the box. Eighteen is an important year? To what, have some guy court her and expect her to marry and have children by the time she’s twenty? No thanks. Rey had other goals. Her gaze lingered at her swim trophies before she mustered up the courage to text Ben a ‘thank you.’ 

Rey opened their messages to find a string of unread ones from him during her drive to the pharmacy. 

**Rey, please come back. Let’s all talk about this.**

**Can you just come back home? Your parents and I are extremely worried about you.**

**Please just let me know you are safe. We will explain everything, I promise.**

Each one more desperate than the last. She couldn’t help but feel betrayed by him. But she also didn’t know the whole story. What if he was coming over to take her mom’s side and tell Unkar that Chapel Hill would be better? A twinge of guilt washed over her as she texted him back.

_ I’m sorry. Got home safe. Just needed some alone time. I opened your present, it’s beautiful, but way too expensive. Thank you, Ben. And thank you for the money. I actually didn’t end up using it, so I’ll just bring it by tomorrow. Just let me know your address. _

Less than thirty seconds passed before she received a text.

**I’m glad you like it. Address is 4285 Sherwood Lane. I’ll have some after school snacks ready for you :)**

Rey laughed at the cheesiness and rolled her eyes. It was the first time she laughed all day.

_ Were you really going to help me into school? Or was that a lie? _

She chewed her nails nervously as the three dots appeared to show he was responding. 

**Yes. I never lied to you, Rey.**

Rey smiled and put her phone away as she got ready for bed. She really wanted to stay home from school tomorrow and not be around people, but tests were coming up and she had to keep up with swimming. After everything that happened to her on her birthday, Rey hoped Ben could really work school out for her. That would be  _ one  _ thing going right in her life at the moment. 


	6. Too many nights and there's no end, I'm hellbent the reckless one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has an unpleasant surprise and Ben gets involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Malevolent Reverie for her amazing beta skills :) 
> 
> Trigger warning: mentions of rape and this chapter contains harsh punishment from step-parent to child. Pregnancy in this chapter as well and from here on out. This one is angsty and painful, but necessary to move forward in the story. 
> 
> Also - I'm aware that Rey does not make the best choices. She's also 18 and I don't know about you guys, but I didn't make the best decisions. When you grow up under a harsh religious environment like she has, things that we would consider ”no brainer”, she has a harder time dealing with because of the guilt, fear, and shame that comes with it. 
> 
> And Disclaimer: Unkar’s views are not my own. They are simply representing a character.

Rey rushed out of her last period math class as soon as the bell rang. She wanted to stop by and drop Ben’s money off as soon as she could. 

She promised Rose that she would text, but didn’t tell her where she was going. Rey felt like she was lying to everyone lately. School was a blur and she barely paid attention to anything. She was dreading swim practice the next day. 

Using Google maps, Rey quickly found Ben’s house and pulled into the driveway of a two-story brick home with a large porch and porch swing. Her bracelet jingled as she turned off the car. 

She made sure to wear it so he would think she was grateful for it. In truth, it made her uncomfortable. No one had ever bought her jewelry this expensive, not even her parents. She looked up the price the night before and was shocked at how much he had spent on her. 

Her boots clacked on the stone-tiled pathway as she walked to the front door. Rey rang the doorbell and patiently waited. 

Ben opened the door with a smile and a Bible in his hand. He hugged her before she could scurry away from him. 

“Hey, Rey! Come on in. I made some cinnamon rolls. You like those right?”

Her stomach growled in response and she nodded before following him into the pristine house. The hardwood floors were immaculate and the walls were painted a muted grey. Rey stole a glance into the living room to see black leather furniture with fancy throw pillows and a fur blanket. She never pegged Ben to have expensive taste.

The smell of sugary cinnamon buns wafted to her in the kitchen. Rey sat down on a bar stool as he put a couple on a plate. He talked to her about the sermon he was writing as he poured her a glass of milk. Rey pretended that she was interested as she took a bite of the dessert.

“Are these homemade?” she asked with her mouth slightly full. Ben set the glass down and leaned on the table with a laugh.

“Yes. Mom’s recipe. You like?”

She nodded as she took another bite. Rey could feel him watching her and she always hated when people watched her eat. She took a generous gulp of her milk before pulling out her purse.

“Here. I didn’t spend any of it. I appreciate you letting me borrow it,” she said as she handed him the bill. Ben took it and stuffed it in his pocket before gesturing for her hand. 

“Can I see it on you?” he asked gently. For a moment, Rey didn’t know what he was talking about. Oh. The  _ bracelet _ . Ben took her wrist gently and began playing with the silver charm that dangled from the chain. 

He looked up at her and smiled. Rey smiled back awkwardly, really wanting her hand back. His large hand engulfed hers as he pulled her closer, almost to where she was leaning over the table.

“Did your mom talk with you last night? About our meeting?”

“No, she said I didn’t have to decide until I graduated this spring. Can you tell me what it is that I have to decide on, Ben?” 

Ben narrowed his eyes and let go of her hand quickly, almost as if he wasn’t expecting that response. He turned and ran his fingers through his hair as she sat in silence looking at the half bitten cinnamon roll on her plate. 

“Ben? Can you tell me?” she asked again. He whipped around to her and sighed in frustration. Why was he mad? Was it something she did?

“No. I guess we should  _ listen _ to your mother. She must not think it’s that important,” he replied in an icy tone. Rey felt extremely uncomfortable. She had never seen him like this. Two seconds ago, he was fine. Could he truly be that upset that her mom didn’t want her to make a decision yet? Why wouldn’t anyone tell her what was going on?

“Okay, I’m sorry. Well, I should probably get going then. Thank you for the treat and I’ll see you this weekend at church?” she said hopefully. Ben nodded but he still looked distracted. Rey zipped up her purse as he led her back to the door. 

Once the door was open, Rey turned back to Ben and faked a smile.

“Thank you again and I love the bracelet!”

Ben smiled tightly before furrowing his brows at her. Suddenly, his hand reached out and brushed against her bottom lip with his thumb before bringing it to his mouth. Rey audibly gasped as he licked whatever was on her lip off his thumb. 

Ben winked and shrugged before smiling at her. 

“Just a little frosting. See you around, Rey,” he said before closing the door on her. 

She stood on his front porch as a cool breeze caused her to shiver. That was weird. 

———————————-

A month later, Rey stood outside the school to wait for Rose’s sister to meet her by the side door. The November air whipped around and she pulled her faux fur jacket closer to her body. A dress and tights were not a good idea today. 

Anxiety gnawed at her stomach as she paced. Thankfully, Rose stayed home from school today so there wouldn’t be any suspicion. Paige has agreed to pick up something from the pharmacy for Rey since she was married and older. A pregnancy test. 

Rey had counted the days and her period was late for over two weeks now and the thought of what it could be made her want to puke. Every time she thought about the possibility, her knees got weak. She couldn’t even think about it. 

Paige pulled up on the side parking lot and rushed out to give Rey a hug. She trusted that Paige wouldn’t say anything. The older Tico asked what had happened and Rey couldn’t even tell her. She didn’t ask questions, just wanted to know how to help. 

“Here you go! I got you two just to be sure. Sometimes if you don’t pee on one right, it won’t work,” Paige explained when she handed her the plastic bag. 

“Thank you, Paige. I really appreciate you doing this for me. Did anyone ask questions?”

“Nah, I got some for myself last week. Beaumont and I  _ are  _ trying so it wasn’t suspicious.”

“I better get home and take these.”

“You sure you don’t want to come over? Rose is sleeping. It might be scary to do alone.”

“No, my parents aren’t home so I’m okay. Thank you, though.”

“Rey, Rose and I are here for you if you ever need to talk, okay?”

They hugged and Rey walked tearfully to her car. It was the longest walk home. The plastic bag rustled like a reckoning beacon with each step. 

She pushed through the front door and immediately went upstairs. Her mother must have heard her clamoring because she called to her. 

“Rey? Want to help me with dinner?” 

Rey stopped by the bathroom door and dropped her bookbag, plastic bag still tight in her grip.

“Uh—yeah. Just give me like five minutes, okay? Need to pee.”

“Ok, honey!” 

Rey shut the door and ripped open the box of one of the tests. It was the easy to read kind that said “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. Forums always griped about the plus sign or negative sign and she didn’t want to take a chance. She peed on the stick and broke out into a sweat as the timer sign immediately popped up on the mini screen.

Rey set the timer on her phone for two minutes and paced. She could hear her mom rustling upstairs and her heart sank. Quickly locking the door, she sank to the floor. 

What if she  _ was _ pregnant? How would she even explain herself? They would get in so much trouble for going to that club. The thought of Unkar finding out made her shake. Her timer went off and Rey took a deep breath before pulling the test off the counter.

There it was in black digital letters. “Pregnant”. 

Bile rose in her throat and Rey flipped open the toilet seat as dry heaves sent her into a panic. 

“No, no, no…” she sobbed into the toilet bowl in between chokes. Her mom knocked on the door.

“Rey? Everything okay? Why is this door locked?” her mom asked as she jiggled the door knob. Rey saw stars as her breaths picked up to an unnatural pace. She felt like she was going to faint. Her whole body went cold and dizziness set in. 

“Rey? Rey!” Her mom said in a worried tone. A few moments of hyperventilating passed before Rey heard a clicking sound. Before she could grab the pregnancy test off the floor, her mom was bursting in the bathroom. 

The older woman said nothing as she picked up the test and looked at her daughter with wide eyes. Without saying a word, she wrapped the test up in wards of toilet paper and left Rey on the floor to run downstairs. Trying to get rid of the evidence before Unkar found it, no doubt. 

Rey closed her eyes and leaned against the cold wall to try and calm herself. Tears and snot were rolling down her face. What was she going to do? Unkar was going to kill her when he found out. They could throw the test away but she would show in six months time. Can’t hide that. 

“Rey, I’m only going to ask you this once. Who is the father?” her mom asked slowly, back in the bathroom.

Rey wiped her nose and shrugged. 

“I don’t know, mommy.”

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” her mom whispered harshly as she bent down to Rey’s level. “Rey, how did this happen? How do you not know who you slept with? Hmm? Tell me!” 

“I don’t know, because, because… Rose and I, we went to the club on my birthday. I’m so sorry, mommy. We went and this man, in a m-mask, he yanked me into a VIP room and he—he—”

Her mom held her hand up as her lip quivered. Tears rolled down her eyes before she grabbed Rey into the tightest hug. 

“You don’t have to say anymore, baby. It’s okay. This is  _ not _ your fault. I’m so sorry, Rey,” her mom cried as she rocked Rey like she was a child again. Rey took in her mom’s perfume and her breathing slowed down. Relief washed over her. She wasn’t mad. 

“Why didn’t you go to the cops, honey? Why didn’t you tell  _ me _ , Rey? Did he hurt you anywhere else?”

“I f-felt like it was my fault. I should never have gone to the club,” she sobbed into her mom’s shoulder. Her mom rubbed her back. 

“Honey, you’re eighteen. I went to a club when I was eighteen. You were just being a teenager. Things like this don’t normally happen. What that man did was cruel and horrible and I wish you would have gone to the cops so that we could punish the bastard.”

“But mom, what are we going to do? I-I… Unkar. And my scholarship. Everything is over. My life is over.” 

They sat on the bathroom floor with their crying being the only sound in the house. Suddenly, the door at the bottom of the stairs opened. Unkar grunted his ‘hellos’ and dropped his briefcase. 

“Julia? Where is dinner?” he barked up the stairs. Rey started shaking as her mom shushed her. 

“We are going to figure all of this out. Stay in your room, and I’ll talk to him over dinner.”

“No, no, mom! He’ll kill me!” 

“Stop honey, this isn’t your fault. I’ll talk to him. Everything is going to work out, I promise. Okay? Trust me.”

Rey nodded and her mom helped her up off the floor. They walked to her bedroom and her mom tucked her in bed. She kissed Rey’s forehead and shut the door behind her. Rey could hear their muffled conversation. 

“Where’s Rey? It’s family time.”

“Unkar, she felt sick. That’s why dinner is late. Why don’t I make us grilled paninis?”

Rey curled up in her bed and covered her ears with the pillow. She didn’t want to hear the part when her mom told Unkar. 

—————————————-

“GET UP, YOU UNGRATEFUL JEZEBEL!!”

A harsh yank of her ponytail pulled Rey out of her slumber. She was met with a slap across her cheek. 

With blurry eyes, Rey looked up to see a red-faced Unkar nose to nose with her. She immediately began crying as he shook her face.

“Unkar! Stop!”

“You go downstairs, woman. Now!”

“It’s not her fault!” 

“Not her fault? This little slut went to a club! What were you doing at the club, Rey?”

“I-I…”

“Shut your mouth! God punishes us when we disobey him. Do you like your punishment, Rey? Embarrassing me and your mother like this? Well, one good thing came out of this! You won’t be going to that heathen school now! No, you’ll be barefoot with a baby from some greasy, dirty man who you let touch you at a club!” 

Rey cried as she pushed Unkar away. She jerked off the bed and made her way towards her mom, but he stopped in front of her.

“Don’t touch me, you pig! It wasn’t  _ my _ fault. He grabbed me!” 

That earned another slap. Her ears were ringing but she could still make out her mom’s insistent pleas. Unkar turned to her mom with gritted teeth. 

“If you don’t get out of this room, Julia, you’re next.”

Her mom sobbed as she rushed out of the room. Rey’s stomach was in knots. He would kill her now. 

“Do you know how big of a scandal this will be at the church? Hmm? I’m the deacon, Rey! How is that going to look!” 

“Don’t you care about what happened to me?” she cried. He laughed, spit hitting her cheek.

“As I said, God punishes us for sinful decisions, Rey.” 

“It wasn’t my FAULT!” she screamed. Her fists went to his chest and she began beating repeatedly against him. He slapped her one more time and she aimed her fists to his face. They were full on fighting now and Rey didn’t care. Her life as she knew it was over, what more could she lose? 

They pushed against each other for what felt like forever. Her face and head throbbed from the slaps and hair yanking. She felt betrayed as her mom just left and never came back. She was truly at this man’s mercy. 

Rey shoved him against the wall before making a break for the hallway. He grabbed another fistful of her hair before leaning her towards the stairs. Her hands reached out to the banister and held on for dear life. Was he really trying to kill her in his blind rage? 

Stars filled her vision as she was losing grip with the banister as a loud bang was at the front door, followed by several pushes of the doorbell in a frantic manner. Did her mom call the police? 

Rey could make out her mom hurriedly opening the door. In walked Ben Solo. His eyes looked up and she had never seen it before, but she could have sworn he was angry.

“Unkar, take your hands off of Rey, now,” he growled, causing Rey and Unkar to immediately let go of each other, like disgruntled siblings. Rey steadied herself on the top of the stairwell as Unkar pointed at her. 

“Go to your room, now.”

“No, Rey come downstairs. Julia told me what happened. We are talking about this. All together.”

Rey’s brows furrowed as she followed her step-dad down the stairs. Was he planning on mediating this? She was mortified that her mom already told him what had happened. Hopefully she spared him some of the details. 

Ben put his hand on Rey’s lower back and she flinched. He leaned down closer to her as he whispered, “I’m going to take care of this, okay? Just sit over there.” 

Rey nodded tearfully and sat down beside her mom, keeping as much distance as she could from Unkar. 

“Thank you for coming, Ben. I figured you should be here while we have this  _ adult _ conversation.” 

“Not a problem, Julia. I’m glad you see it my way,” he responded. The tension between them was not lost on Rey. Her mom must have felt there was no choice but to call him. But why? What dog did he have in this fight? 

Ben sat down on the couch across from them and clasped his hands together with an out of place smile. 

“I have a plan.”

  
  
  
  



	7. Too many nights, I’ve justified, all my casualties of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s fate is decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for being patient. I'm sorry its been a while. I got sick and the IRS fucked all accountants over.

Rey felt like a ghost as her parents and Ben talked about her future as if she wasn’t even there. 

First her mom brought up going to the cops. Unkar and Ben both shot that down. Too late, no evidence. Then there was the discussion on keeping the baby, which once again to no surprise, Unkar and Ben both fully supported her keeping it. 

Now they were on the topic of what to do next. Unkar was terrified of the  _ scandal _ that he let his step-daughter out to the club and she was raped. Rey scoffed at the selfishness. He suggested yanking her out of school until she had the baby. 

“Rey is almost six months out to graduating high school. That’s out of the question,” her mom piped in angrily. 

“Well, we don’t want her showing up with a big fat belly because of her mistake, either! That’ll sit well with the congregation!” 

Ben paced while Rey took a shaky breath. She clutched her stomach, knowing she wouldn’t feel anything yet, but she still felt… _ alien _ . Pregnancy and everything that came along with it seemed so far off in her world until now. Ben stopped and looked at her with soft eyes before turning to Unkar and her mom. 

“So, here is what I’m thinking. We discussed a while back about me courting Rey,” he began. Rey gasped and her eyes shot to his.  _ Courting _ !? So,  _ he  _ was the one who wanted to marry her? Wasn’t he twice her age? 

Rey broke out into a cold sweat. She did  _ not _ want whatever he was coming up with. Her mom squeezed her hand before gesturing for Ben to continue.

“What if,  _ I  _ marry Rey? We’ll make it a quick engagement and marriage and that way, no one will know. I’ll help Rey raise this baby.”

“Ben, that’s a heavy undertaking, I don’t know. Things have changed quite a bit. Plus, that still doesn’t answer how she will finish school,” her mom replied. 

Rey stared at the floor. She was partly flattered, but partly terrified. It was a kind thing for him to offer to raise a child that wasn’t his. She assumed it was because he wanted to marry her all along, apparently. Baby or no baby didn’t matter to him as long as he got what he wanted. 

“And what if the baby doesn’t look like you at all?” Rey asked. It was a valid question in her mind. After all, she never got a chance to see the man who raped her. Ben shook it off nonchalantly.

“Don’t worry about that, Rey. All you need to worry about is having a healthy pregnancy and baby, okay? Leave everything else to me.”

Rey thought it was still a valid issue but didn’t press it. Her parents became silent and stood up. Unkar mumbled that he wanted to talk to her mom alone for a minute. Leaving just Ben and Rey, she played with the chipped nail polish on her thumb. She felt the couch dip as Ben took a seat beside her. Taking her hands, his eyes searched hers. 

“Ben, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I’m pretty much damaged goods at this point,” she said, tears brimming her eyes. Ben sighed and wiped them away before placing his hands on her shoulders. 

“Rey, this wasn’t your fault. Everything is going to work out, okay? We’ll get through this. I’ve loved you for quite some time now. Let me take care of you and this baby,” he said before kissing her forehead. Rey shuddered. 

What choice did she have? Stay at home and be miserable with Unkar down her back? Ben seemed cool and nice. But still, would she be expected to kiss him and have sex with him once they got married? Her youth group always made it very clear that the woman’s job to her husband is to fulfill whatever needs he may have. 

“You probably have so many questions. Don’t worry. Let’s get through this and we’ll work through each question you have one at a time,” he reassured her as her parents come in. 

“So, Ben. If we do this. We need to work fast for the timeline to work. So that means engaged and married in a week. Could that work for you?” Unkar asked, his hands on his hips. Her mom chewed on her bottom lip. Rey could see she wasn’t happy about any of this. 

“Sounds great. I’ll have the engagement posted in the church bulletin and book the church for next Sunday. It can be a small affair. Whole church invited, small reception, and then Rey and I can take a small trip somewhere. We can say she got pregnant on the honeymoon.” 

“She can’t go on a ‘honeymoon’. She has  _ school.  _ Which we still haven’t discussed yet,” her mom quipped. Ben sighed and waved his hand. 

“I’ll talk with her teachers. I know most of them. We’ll pull her out and she can homeschool at the house.” 

Her mom was about to interject before Unkar grabbed Ben into a hug, startling Rey and her mom.

“This is perfect. Ben, you truly are a man of God. To help Rey like this. To still agree to marry her after she disobeyed in such a horrible fashion. Truly a savior to this family,” he said proudly. Rey clutched her mom’s hand as he turned back to them with a snarl.

“Rey, you’ll go shopping for a dress tomorrow after school. Ask Rose and some of your other youth friends to be your bridesmaids. Julia, handle everything else.”

“Well,  _ sweetie _ , planning a wedding usually take a little longer than a week.”

“I’ll call my mom. She can help, she’s great with this. Rey, you’ll love her,” Ben replied with a smile. He reached in his pocket and pulled out another Tiffany’s box. Rey and her mom gasped as he bent down on one knee in front of Rey. 

Her mom glared at him with contempt. Rey felt like they both were duped. Ben seemed to be using this situation to his advantage, but surely he had the best intentions, right? Her mom was just worried. Ben opened the box slowly to reveal a dainty pear-shaped diamond ring.

“Rey, I promise to cherish and care for you, always. Will you marry me?”

What choice did she have at this point? 

“...Yes.”

————————————

Rey stood in the bridal room at the church, with Rose doing her hair in an elaborate half up-half down style. Leia and her mother were talking about the reception food, but the last thing Rey wanted to think about was food. Her stomach was in knots and not just from the wedding. 

She had been throwing up all morning because of the baby. She finally held it down with crackers and ginger-ale.

“There, all done. Let me find your veil and you’ll be all ready!” Rose beamed. Rey smiled tightly. Rose was one of the only friends of hers that didn’t constantly question Rey’s decision to get married and drop out of school. Finn and Poe threatened to not come to the wedding because they thought it was bullshit. After begging, Finn convinced Poe to go. 

It was a week full of lies. A week full of preparation for a wedding she dreaded. The scariest part was what would come after. All week, Rey has slowly moved her clothes and things over to Ben’s house. He gave her half of the closet in ‘their’ master room. He bought new linens and a soft comforter and fur blankets to spruce the place up for her. It was sweet, but still terrifying to know she’d be married to her preacher in the next few hours. 

Ben was on cloud nine it seemed. He happily booked them a honeymoon in the mountains. Rey didn’t want to go, but they had to in order to make their lies work. She was fearful of what he would ask her to do with him on the honeymoon, but too scared to actually bring it up. 

“You ready girls? It’s almost time!” Leia, Ben’s mom, said, pulling Rey from her thoughts. The veil was placed on her head and Rose handed her the bouquet. Rose joined Paige and Jessika, the other two bridesmaids and they stood at the back of the church, preparing to walk in. 

Rey stood in a daze until Unkar jerked her arm into his and began marching her down the aisle. The elderly women in the congregation smiled creepily at her as she marched like a zombie. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she spotted Ben at the end of the aisle, his eyes locked on her. 

Weirdly enough, it wasn’t a tender gaze. It was the gaze of a predator locking onto its prey. A look she had never seen in him before. He smiled and took her hand as she stood across from him. 

Rey stumbled through the vows and barely even heard the preacher giving a quick sermon. She trembled as Ben slipped on a simple diamond band to go with her engagement ring. Rey flushed with embarrassment as she put a thick gold band on his hand with sweaty fingers. 

“I now pronounce you, husband and wife. Ben, you may kiss the bride.” 

Ben stepped closer and Rey resisted the urge to step back. All eyes were on them. She could smell the scent of his woodsy cologne as his lips gently brushed hers. Everyone cheered and the music played as her new husband led her down the aisle. 

———————————

The reception was a quick afternoon soirée in which Rey barely ate. Guests left shortly and her mom was loading the car with the wedding gifts. Rey promised to come pick them up after the honeymoon. She lingered at her mom’s car as Ben said goodbye to a few guests. She played with the beads on her dress.

“And that’s the last of it!” her mom said with a smile before turning to Rey. It was a cold day and Rey was shivering in her dress, which was a floor length strapless beaded number with intricate ties in the back. 

“Everything okay honey?” her mom asked before giving Rey her shawl. 

“Can I stay home tonight?”

“Honey, all of your stuff is at your home with Ben. He’s your husband now.” 

“But, I just. I’m scared, mom. I don’t  _ know _ him and now I’m married to him for the rest of my life,” Rey whispered, her voice cracking. 

“Oh, baby, it’ll be okay. Listen. Let’s get through a couple years. Between you and me, I’ll help you divorce him once the baby is at least a year old.”

“But, mom, that’s not allowed. Unkar would—”

“Screw Unkar. Who knows, maybe you and I both will get divorced and we can run off to a new town. Start our lives fresh, hmm?”

Rey smiled through her tears and tried to wipe them quickly as Ben walked over with a look of concern.

“Everything okay over here?” he asked, removing her mom’s shawl and handing it back to her. Her mom raised an eyebrow as he removed his own jacket and wrapped Rey in it before putting an arm around her possessively.

“Nope! Just some post-wedding jitters. She  _ is _ eighteen, after all. I told her your house is all ready for her and will be just fine.”

His grip tightened as he bent down to look at her. Her eyes flicked up to his and she quickly faked a smile. 

“Everything’s fine. Are you ready to go home?” she asked weakly. He nodded and bid her mom goodbye. Rey looked back at her mom as they walked away. She wouldn’t see her again for another week.

Her dress took up most of the passenger seat in his car. She laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the day. She was pregnant and now married to her preacher who was almost twice her age. Her life had become a cosmic joke. 

“I went ahead and packed our bags so we can just get in the car and go tomorrow. Is that alright with you, baby?”

_ Baby _ . Rey shivered before nodding. She needed to get used to this. She was married to him now. 

“Y-yeah. That’s fine! I’m excited to see the mountains. It’s been a while since I’ve been.”

“I think you’ll love it. I got us a secluded cabin in the woods. It’s got a huge bathtub and I made sure it had a hammock since I know to read.” 

She stammered a ‘thanks’ and tried to ignore the thought of being alone with him for the indefinite future. 

They pulled into the driveway and he helped her out of the car before picking her up. She felt silly as he carried her, huge dress and all, to the door. After taking a few moments to unlock the door, Ben walked them through the threshold and set her down. 

He helped her out of her shoes and veil as his cat rubbed against her gown. He took his cufflinks off and set them in a bowl in the foyer. She took off her bridal jewelry and put them in the same place before turning awkwardly to him. Ben looked down at her and she knew he was about to bend down and kiss her again. Before he could fully lean into her, Rey quickly stepped back. 

“Uh—I need to get out of this dress,” she whispered. A look of frustration passed his features before a smile appeared. 

“Of course, dear. Let’s go upstairs.”

Rey picked her dress up and followed him up the slippery wood staircase. She prayed she wouldn’t slip and fall. He led her into the master room and flipped the light switch. 

She looked around the room and noticed he had put up a few of her things. But the room was most definitely his, first and foremost. There were paintings of bible scenes on the walls. He had a pillow made that sat on the bed that read, “Mr. and Mrs. Ben Solo.” She cringed. Everything reeked of possessiveness. 

Rey shouldn’t have been surprised. He was a preacher after all. But there was something pulling at the back of her head like a consistent red flag. It was weird how he got all of this together in a week.

Ben hummed a hymnal tune as he turned her towards the vanity and began unlacing the intricate laces on the back of her dress. He stopped and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as they looked in the mirror. 

“So beautiful, my Rey,” he whispered, his breath tickling her neck and ear. 

She stared ahead, looking at herself as he gently started kissing her neck. She wanted to squirm out of her skin. It wasn’t that Ben was attractive. It was just so,  _ weird _ . He was her preacher. Now her husband. She knew where this would lead and needed to stop it. 

“Ben, I, uh—”

“Hmm?” he asked, his deep voice humming against her neck. He was now moving to her shoulder with kisses. He nipped at her shoulder and she jumped. Flashbacks to the night at the club shook her to the core as she fearfully ripped away from him. She crossed her arms tightly.

“Ben, c-can we uhm not… I just, this is… because I was—”

“Oh, Rey, I didn’t even think about that, I’m so sorry, baby. That was so selfish of me. Please forgive me,” he begged, rushing up to her with his hands eclipsing hers. A sigh of relief left her lips.

“It’s okay. I’m just sensitive about touching and stuff like that right now. Thank you for being patient,” she replied. Maybe she could play this long enough and avoid sex with him! In truth, the last thing she wanted to do was to be intimate with anyone, let alone the town preacher. 

“No worries, my love. Let’s get you out of this dress and into bed. We have a long day of driving tomorrow,” he said. 

She nodded as he finished working through the laces. The dress came down and she blushed as she quickly snatched it back up to waddle to the bathroom. 

“Where are you going, Rey?”

“Gonna go change into my pajamas.”

“Change right here, I’ve laid it out for you,” he said, gesturing to a knee length nightgown on the bed. She didn’t remember owning anything like that. Rey pulled it over her head and crawled into bed. 

Minutes later, Ben got into bed beside her and turned off the light. She felt him pull her to him and his breath was back against her ear and his bare chest pressed against her. He was a huge man and she felt completely consumed by him. Rey wanted to bring up again that she didn’t want to be touched, but she didn’t want to make him angry. After all, he agreed to help her out. 

“I’m so glad to be your husband and teacher, Rey,” Ben murmured against her ear before nibbling on her earlobe. Rey shuddered and squirmed uncomfortably. Maybe she needed to reiterate her feelings to him. 

“Teacher?”

“Yes. I can teach you how to be the loving and obedient wife that I know you can be. Once we get through the trauma of your rape, we can start with rule number one.”

“What’s rule number one?”

“That an obedient wife gives into her husband whenever he asks. Don’t worry about tonight, though. We have a whole week together to learn.”

As Ben fell asleep with his hand rubbing her stomach, Rey cried herself to sleep that night. 

  
  



	8. For all the times I can’t reverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns more about her new husband’s expectations on their honeymoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you to MalRev for her wondering beta help ❤️ She is the best!
> 
> Oh! TW: noncon - I’m tagging because she clearly doesn’t want it, but feels coerced.

“Rey, wake up! We’re here.”

The deep voice accompanied a light kiss on her cheek. Rey stirred and opened her eyes. Once she adjusted to the sun, she turned to Ben in confusion.

“Where?”

“Our honeymoon spot, silly girl. I got us a cabin all to ourselves.”

Her stomach turned as she looked past him out the window to the spacious cabin. The view behind the property was absolutely stunning. If it weren’t for the current circumstances, Rey would’ve been elated to be there. However, the events and words from her new  _ husband _ left a nervous lump in her gut. 

She forced a smile and opened her door to climb out and stretch her legs. Ben immediately began grabbing all of their luggage and nodded for her to follow him to the cabin. She took dreaded steps and followed him through the doorway. 

The cabin was a woodland dream with wood accents, quartz countertops and cozy reading nooks everywhere. While Ben lugged everything up the stairs, Rey walked over to the bookshelf and began browsing the selection. A cute note about taking a book or leaving a book was nestled on one of the shelves. 

Rey pulled out a thriller novel and began thinning through the pages as Ben returned to the living room. She flinched when he wrapped his arms around her from behind and leaned his head on her shoulder. 

“Did you find something good to read, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Thank you for putting the luggage upstairs.”

“Of course. You shouldn’t be picking anything heavy up with the little one growing in your stomach.” 

Bringing up the fact that she was pregnant always dampened her mood. It was like a constant black cloud. She tugged herself away from him and made her way to the stairs. 

“Is something wrong, Rey? I thought you’d like it here.” He said from behind her. She could hear the sadness in his voice and felt bad. He was just trying to help. 

“I’m fine, Ben, I just...it’s a lot to get used to. I don’t know about this baby. I’m-I’m not sure if I want it.” She replied, her voice cracking. Rey clutched the book and tried to rush up the stairs before he could see her cry or her angry at what she was implying. Abortion was not allowed and would never be an option for her given his profession and religion.

She walked into the master room where her luggage was laid across the bed next to his and she began to unpack while wiping her tears. Rey could hear Ben coming up the stairs. 

She quickly shoved her clothes haphazardly into a nearby drawer when he stepped into the room. He sat down on the bed and watched her for a moment before patting the spot beside him.

“Rey, come sit, please.”

She sniffled and shut the drawer before timidly approaching him. The tears rushed out more and more with each step. Rey stopped in front of him and broke down.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. This place is beautiful and all I can think about is this b-baby. I don’t want to be a m-mom yet. I don’t even know the father and I’m so humiliated.” She sobbed. 

Ben touched her hips gently and pulled her close to him. He took her face in his hands and wiped her tears. 

“Hey, everything is going to be okay! This baby is also a part of you and I know that once you meet them, you will fall in love just as much as I will. We’ll have a beautiful family and give the baby a brother or sister and everything will be fine. I love you, Rey. I will protect you and take care of you, okay? You just need to obey me and I will guide you.” He said softly. The hard look in his eyes didn’t quite match the words and that made Rey nervous, but she nodded anyway. 

He pulled her into a hug and Rey willed herself to stop crying. These were the cards she was dealt and she needed to move on and try to embrace it. 

The idea of a happy family gave her comfort. Ben was kind and loving. He would be a perfect father to this baby. She just needed to lean in and trust him, like he said. 

They held each other for a while until Ben announced that he was going to make them some lunch while she finished unpacked. Rey got to the chore and even unpacked his items too, just for good measure. She needed to be an obedient wife if he was going to take care of her and the baby. 

Once she was finished, Rey quickly showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a cozy sweater. After pulling her hair up into three buns, she went back downstairs to find Ben pouring what looked like a stew into bowls. 

“This is my mom’s famous beef stew. I hope you like it.” He said with a smile before placing the bowls on the island. Rey nodded eagerly as she got them some cups and took a seat next to him. 

She took a bite and savored the taste before thanking him. 

“I put all of our clothes away.” She said in between bites. Ben raises his eyebrows and nodded in approval. 

“Good girl. See? You have this wife thing down perfectly. Now that the unpacking is done, I thought we could go hiking this afternoon.”

Rey beamed at the idea of exploring and quickly finished her food while they talked about the trails. Despite the circumstances, maybe this honeymoon won’t be so bad after all. 

—————————————————-

The sun was setting as Rey settled into the hammock on the porch, book in her lap. They had just finished a pizza after a long afternoon of hiking. Rey got tons of pictures and couldn’t wait to make them into a collage when they got home. 

Ben stepped onto the porch, nursing a glass of wine as he leaned against the deck.

“Beautiful view, huh?”

“Yes, I love it. Thank you for bringing me here. I’m sorry about earlier.”

“No worries, sweetheart. I know it’s a lot of changes to get used to.” He said with a wink. She smiled and flipped to the first page of her book. Just as she was beginning to read, the book was pulled from her hands.

“A Killer’s Mind. Hmmm, Rey, honey, I don’t think this is a good book choice. It seems a bit disturbing, don’t you think?”

“It’s a thriller. I love reading thrillers. I won’t be scared, I promise. I read these all the time.” She insisted, holding her hand out to get the book back. He lifted it higher and furrowed his brows. 

“I’m surprised Unkar let you read these.”

“He...didn’t know. My mom bought them and I hid them under the bed. May I please have it back?”

“Rey, I don’t think this is appropriate for a preacher's wife and woman of God to read. I’ll go get you something more appropriate.” He said firmly before walking back into the cabin. 

Rey huffed, fuming inside. She read books like that all of the time! She loved thriller books and it wasn’t like she was 10! She watched him study the bookshelf and shove the book back into a random place. 

She quickly turned back around when she saw him coming back out with a new book. He handed her the novel with a smile. The title read “Redeeming Love.” Rey flipped the book to see what it was about. A born again Christian woman. Great. Boring as fuck. 

“I don’t want to read this. It’s not what I like.”

“Rey, what did I say about obeying? I think that book is better suited for you and so that’s what you’ll be reading if you choose to read. If you don’t want to read what I pick out, then you won’t read at all.” 

Her jaw dropped. This was not the sweet and loving Ben that she was used to. He pinched her cheek and smiled. 

“Don’t you want to please your husband?”

“Yes, b-but…”

“I know what’s best for you, Rey. Besides, a book like you picked out won’t help you with your trauma.”

“But you see, it does help me, because-“

“Do you think I’m wrong?” He said firmly. Rey could see this argument was getting nowhere. She shook her head and leaned back into the hammock to read the book she was given. The first page already sucked. Ben went back to leaning against the deck. 

After a few hours, the view was completely dark and the chill became too much. Rey wordlessly closed the book and headed inside. She folded a random page over to make it look like she was reading instead of daydreaming. 

Ben drank the rest of his wine and followed her inside. They hadn’t said a word to each other since the little argument. 

Rey didn’t see the point in continuing to fight him on something as stupid as a book, but she couldn’t help but wonder what else he would try to control. 

She walked up the stairs to brush her teeth and change into some pajamas. As she came back into the master room, Ben was already on the bed, in his boxers. 

He motioned for her to come over and her stomach sank. She forgot about  _ this _ part of the honeymoon. The bed sank as she climbed in on her side, yanking the covers up to her chin. Ben laughed and pulled her closer to him from under the blankets. 

“Are you still shy, sweetheart?” He said before kissing her gently. His large hand crept up under her pajama top, massaging circles on her stomach. 

“Um, can we do this if I’m pregnant? Won’t it hurt the baby?” She squeaked as he crawled on top of her. 

“It won’t hurt the baby, I promise. I just want to experience this special moment with my wife, is that okay?”

Rey felt bad saying no, considering he  _ did  _ marry her after she was ‘damaged goods’ per Unkar. He did her a huge favor. But the idea of a man touching her made her want to puke. It was still too soon. 

“I’m just scared. I haven’t done this since that man-I just don’t know if I’m ready.”

“This is going to be a better experience than what happened at that club, Rey. This is between two people who love each other.”

Did she love him? She didn’t  _ know _ him. He continued kissing her, eventually kissing down her jawline to her neck and collarbone. It felt good, but Reh couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being smothered. Flashbacks from the club flickered in her mind like a dying candle. 

Ben’s knees pushed her legs apart and she squealed. Her hands hit his chest in an attempt to push him off. His hands made quick work of her pajama top and his mouth was on her nipple before she could say anything. 

“Ah-Ben, I-I, this is too much!” She said quickly. He simply hushed her and kissed his way down to the waistline of her pajama shorts. He was ignoring her and the panic was starting to rise the closer he got to her panties. It was all happening too fast. 

“Please Ben, I’m not ready!” She shrieked, hoping to get his attention. Ben finally stopped, his fingers wrapped around the elastic of her panties. He sighed and snapped the elastic. 

“Rey, I’m trying to rewrite what sex means to you so that you can heal your trauma. Just relax and you will enjoy this and see how good this can be.”

“I don’t think that’s going to help. I’m overwhelmed and this is making things worse.”

“Trust me, Rey. I’m taking care of you, I know what’s best for you.”

Rey tasted bile as he ignored her whimpers of protest and pulled her panties down. Ben winked at her and dragged a finger through her folds. 

“Look at my beautiful wife, so ready for me, so perfect.” He whispered. His encouraging words didn’t make her feel better. Her panting breaths only egged him on more as she felt his tongue lap slowly where his finger had just been. 

Rey whined “please” as his tongue circled around her clit. The begging was meant for him to stop but she knew he was taking it a different way. She made fists into the mattress as she could feel the energy through her core, like something getting ready to burst. 

Minutes later, she came with a loud moan as her body betrayed her. Maybe Ben was right, maybe this was helping. She had almost convinced herself of that when he came back up to kiss her roughly on the lips. When she felt the tip of him prod against her entrance, panic came back with a vengeance. 

It was all too familiar. The sweat, the heaviness off someone over her, the hot breath, it was all too familiar. Rey felt the need to fight. Her hands came back up to his chest and she squirmed beneath him. Ben grabbed her wrists and pushed them against the bed, holding her down.

“Rey, look at me. Everything is okay. I’m your husband. This is the way it’s supposed to be.”

Rey blinked furiously as the tears rushed down her cheeks. She shook her head repeatedly as he piled into her, inch by slow inch. It was all too familiar, too much, she kept telling herself.

“No, Ben, please, I can’t. This is-this is just like-“

A hand gripped her jaw and squeezed, stopping her movements. All movements. She opened her eyes to see him staring down at her, angry. The squeezing hurt some much, Rey feared a bruise was formed. She felt like a trapped deer under a wolf.

“Don’t you  _ ever _ compare us making love to rape, Rey. I don’t ever want to hear those words escape your lips again, do you understand? You are my wife. This is what a wife does to please her husband. I will take you like this any time I please and you  _ will _ give it to me without complaint because you are my wife.”

“Ben, I was  _ raped _ ! Don’t you think I need more time?” She said through gritted teeth as he continued holding her jaw.

“You don’t need more time from your husband. This is your duty and you will fulfill it, Rey. So when I continue now, there will be no more whining or crying!” He said harshly before letting her jaw go. He resumed pushing into her slowly and grunted as he bottomed out inside her.

Rey gasped as he pulled out and roughly shoved into her again. She sniffled as he picked up the pace, leaning his head on her shoulder and kissing her neck lazily. Her eyes were glued to the ceiling as she willed herself to take deep breaths and stop crying.

“Fucking Christ, Rey, you feel so good.” He murmured against her neck. She stifled a gasp at his use of language. She would never imagine him to talk like that. She also didn’t imagine for him to be so cruel in wanting sex from her weeks after she was brutally raped in the club. 

This was a huge mistake. Her mom knew it and still let her go along with it. Rey couldn’t believe she had convinced her mom that she was fine with this. Ben was just as cruel as Unkar. Taking what they want in the name of religion. Now she was married to him. Behind the soft hair and dark eyes, he was just another zealot. 

He pumped into her a few more times before releasing. The feeling of it shooting inside her brought back the memories from the club and she willed herself not to cry. Ben laid on her chest and massaged her breast, still inside of her. 

“Once you have this baby, I’m going to make another one inside you.”

“Another?”

Ben looked up at her and laughed at her before brushing the hair out of her eyes. 

“Yes, another. You already have one in you don’t you? I mean another as in your second child.” He said in a mocking tone. Something uneasy settled within her but she shrugged it off. 

Just like everything else, she needed to embrace this part of being a wife too. Maybe Ben would be much nicer if she was more willing. She would work on it. The trauma would disappear soon.

Rey snuggled next to him and he pulled out of her, leaving a trail of his cum on her leg. She tried not to be grossed out as he kissed her and held her close, telling her how much he loved her. 

Rey fell asleep convincing herself that this was all okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
